He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No more Irish car bombs ever.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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