I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
