Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
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I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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