I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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