I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
