I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
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You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
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I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize