I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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