Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
