Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
