My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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