I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
