i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You made out with two different species that night
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
