I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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