as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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