I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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