I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
