listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
