i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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