It's Friday. Sex?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
