So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
