We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Shame - the story of my life.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
