i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
