I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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