sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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