There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
