so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
