well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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