maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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