There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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