were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize