Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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