i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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