you guys were way drunker than both of me
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
