yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
