I am puke
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
