there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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