Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
