He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
