Sacagawea was the original milf.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
