She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
