Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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