hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
