You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize