I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
