Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
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Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
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I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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