I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
