I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
