Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
