i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
