i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
