On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
