My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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