you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
