remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
