After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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