Your dad touched me again.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
