at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
