Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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