I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize