I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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