Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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