Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
