You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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