The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
