Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i've created a new STD.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
