No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
