just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
