What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
