i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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