Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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