Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
