he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
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she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
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The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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