FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
