You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
